I know, I know, this is a simple task and surely no one needs to be told how to walk their dog. Well, maybe that’s true for most but last Tuesday my dog walking experience changed for the worse.
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Once upon a time, mid-workout, I thought “maybe it’s weights room time.” So over I went to the weights room, strutted in confidently, ready to own the show and not be intimidated by anyone. I did well, I made it over to the bar bells, picked one up, and dropped it on myself, not only causing a racket (making every scary, beef-cake guy ever glare at me), but also slamming the bar against my shins. Ouch. Pain and embarrassment in one hit. Gym-1. Laura-0.
If you’re anything like me, you don’t always feel totally comfortable and confident in the gym, but the fact is, you should. Whether you’re a guy who’s not quite a beef-cake yet, or a girl who’s just starting out to get fit, that gym is just as much your second home as anyone else’s, you just have to make it as such.
After speaking to a couple of female friends of mine, I’ve found, as much as most of them don’t want to admit it, sweating bothers them. It’s understandable, nobody likes sweat patches. It might be stating the obvious here, but take a small towel with you to wipe any sweat off yourself (if you’re not sweating you’re not doing enough) and off any machines you use. (Nobody wants to use a spin bike with your sweaty bum mark on it.) Also, girls, the gym is a no make up zone, you’ll only sweat it off and look like a melting wax work. (Tried it once. I wanted to look like an IG model with long hair, fleeky brows and yoga pants. I ended up looking like cousin it had been dragged through a sauna backwards. Hair on neck sweat is not good)
*Dress to Impress (Yourself)*
I personally found buying new, fun, gym clothes that I felt great in really helped. I looked good, so I wanted to be there. Go for stretchy material- cotton shows sweat marks (if that bothers you) but I also find it doesn’t leave much to the imagination (camel toe city.) Or guys, go for loose fitting shorts and any top you’re comfortable in. But generally, if you’re loving your outfit, you’ll be wanting to stay in it longer, and therefore in the gym longer.
*Attention Attention Attention*
Everyone, regardless of gender and body shape worries about people judging them/staring at them in the gym. Simultaneously, everyone is too bothered about themselves, their own work out and how they look, to be staring at you. However, it’s also important we remember how uncomfortable being gawked at makes us, so it’s probably more polite to keep all eyes to yourself when that hottie with a ripped back or fabulous bum walks past.
So there you go. I hope this helps any gym newbies, or those who are like me, and literally just make a fool of themselves regularly.
Good afternoon, evening, morning or whatever.
I’m Laura and one day I woke up and thought “Hm, I wonder if this stuff happens to anyone else…”
By “This stuff” I mean all the weird things that happen to me and my friends on a daily basis that, somehow, we don’t really realise are bizarre until we tell the stories to new people and they give us the wide-eyed, square-mouthed grinning nod, whilst muttering something about “going somewhere” to “do a thing” and making a swift exit.
I kind of wonder whether it’s something about me that just attracts these sorts of happenings. Maybe I’m frequented by odd occurrences because I was a horrible person in a past life, or I just have one of those faces that screams “I deal with weird people, copious amounts of alcohol and conversations with strangers on public transport really well.” (Clue: I don’t.)
However, as much as I would love to live a perfectly quiet life, with no drunken mishaps, minimal human contact and a daily dose of Starbucks, I am grateful for whatever it is that makes me incapable of doing so. Why? Life lessons my friends.
Sure, school is great (a burning hell hole full of hormones and cheap make up covering acne), but there’s some things it just can’t teach you. And that’s where I come in- you lucky things. I figured that, I can’t be the only person who you really just can’t take anywhere without causing a scene or unintentionally making everyone uncomfortable (right?… Right?!) so maybe I should make something of it.
Here is your survival guide, for all those little things that you swear don’t happen to normal people. I hope you enjoy it, and that it brings some comfort to some of you, and maybe weirds out a few others.