How To Survive “Being a Psycho lol”

Okay, one word: DONT. Here is the Oxford English Dictionary definition of a psychopath:

“Noun. 1. A person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behaviour.”

Have you been diagnosed by a professional as a psychopath? No? Do you freak out when things don’t go your way with a boy you like, and do you feel a need to screenshot all his messages, send them to friends, work out a revenge method, phone him 15 times, and cry over him for a week whilst harassing him with overly-emotional paragraphs on WhatsApp? Yes? Okay honey, you’re not a psychopath and you need to stop labelling yourself as such all over social media.

I know the whole “I’m a psycho” meme-culture is a good laugh, and sometimes, when we’ve been hurt by people, we do some silly things and we don’t always feel in control of our actions, but this labelling ourselves as a “psycho lol” needs to stop.

Why? Well, first of all, it’s women giving men free-reign to also label every upset girl as a “psycho”. You only had to watch Love Island to see a perfect example of this. When Malin left the villa, still, as far as both parties were concerned, in a relationship, and the next couple of days saw Terry having sex, sans-duvet, with another girl she wanted to confront him on the matter, so he called her a “crazy-ex girlfriend”. No Terry, she was standing up for herself. Sadly, this kind of situation is seen in the “real” world too often. Girls feel too scared to speak their minds, tell anyone when they’ve been hurt, because a select few girls have splattered their heartbreak and threats all over social media, captioned with “I’m a psycho lol”, giving everyone permission to call them as such, and label any remotely similar behaviour as “psychotic”. Yes, sometimes, when we really really like someone, and it starts going wrong, we do stupid things. But that’s all it is, stupid. Not psychotic. And it isn’t just girls who do stupid things, boys do it too. (Ahem… Mr. Blocked on One Thing, Message Me On Another Until You’re Blocked on Everything) But why don’t we hear about boys acting stupid over girls? Because they don’t smear it on everyone’s twitter feed as a threat to all other girls that they’re a “psycho lol”. Boys can stand up for themselves and tell a girl “That thing you did really upset me” and it’s fine. But now, we’ve grown into a culture where a girl doing the same thing is “controlling and she’s a psycho.” because girls, themselves, have called themselves “psychos” on every form of social media, making everyone think they’re fine with being called a psycho. Instead of saying “I’m a psycho lol so don’t p*ss me off” why is no-one saying “As a human being I’d rather you didn’t upset me.”?

Also, people can’t run around excusing crappy behaviour with “I’m a psycho lol.” Your life is not a meme. You are not actually Beyoncé. Your threats aren’t cute. People have to understand that under no circumstances is it acceptable to ring someone 18 times while his phone is plugged into the AUX cord at pre-drinks so the music stops every time you drunk-call him in a rage. (Deffo wasn’t me…) You can’t harass someone with whiney texts, calling them a multitude of obscenities and say “Well I’m a psycho so you shouldn’t have f*cked with me.” No. A million times, no. Not acceptable. I’m guilty of it myself, but it really has to stop. Actually apologise for your behaviour and accept that, sometimes, things don’t go your way, and you’ll feel better just letting it go.

Please, channel your anger and sadness into something that’s going to better you as a person. Go to the gym, take up a new hobby, read a book. Literally, anything but stewing over the same texts, making nasty threats and taking print-screens to caption on social media with “I’m a psycho lol”.

Anyway, rant over. As you were.

x

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How to Survive When You’re Rubbish at Make Up.

The meme is correct; I spend more time stalking hot girls on Instagram than hot guys. Honestly, I could spend all day scrolling through the Kardashian/Jenners, various beauty bloggers’ and a few random Instagram models’ accounts, like “How?!” Seriously though, some of those girls look like the Angel Gabriel himself chiselled their cheekbones for them. To be fair, most of them are naturally blessed, but still, there has to be some sort of miracle technique going on somewhere.

I’m terrible at make-up. I’m getting better, but I find the tutorials too intimidating, don’t actually own half the products they insist on using, nor do I have the time to sit at home practising. No matter how long I spend blending and piling on the products, I somehow always manage to look like my usual, bare-faced self, with some sort of smudged eye, and wonky, stained lips. Bare-faced is fine, but when everyone else is dolled up to the nines, looking like they’ve had Charlotte Tilbury herself pandering to them for three hours prior to pre-drinks, it’s a little disheartening.

I swear, I spend 90% of my “getting ready time” just poking myself in the eye with random brushes coated in some sort of bronze dust, or doing some wobbly winged eyeliner that legitimately looks like I let my pet dog have a try. So, I had a little look around, had a Google and scroll through Pinterest and came to a few conclusions.

Firstly, a few good products is better than loads of crappy ones. That sounds obvious, but when I think about how many rubbish foundations I’ve bought out of trial and error, that I’d end up mixing and blending myself into a tangerine with, I might as well have just gone to a make-up counter, had them colour match me and splash a little bit extra on something that’s not going to sink into my pores and make me look like a block of flaky Swiss cheese.

I’ve also come to realise that picking one or two features to enhance is better than just piling on a load of products onto every part of my face. For example, when I’m hungover/tired (usually both), grooming my eyebrows always seems to lift my face more, and look better than just layering mismatched concealer under my eyes and trying to work last night’s eyeliner into a smoky-eye. (Okay, sometimes I still do that if I’m running late to my lectures…)

Now, I know I said tutorials are intimidating, but that’s not true for all of them. Cue, Lisa Potter-Dixon. Her YouTube tutorials are the only reason I have any sense of direction in my make-up bag now. Charli and I once sat in my room and spent ages copying her eye-make up tutorials and went out in matching make-up. We were the coolest kids in Manchester that night.

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The result of the Lisa Potter-Dixon binge.

But seriously, her tutorials are so easy to follow, use mostly Benefit make-up products which are easy to find, and you can even pick a look whilst getting ready for your night out, a glass of wine down, and still be able to follow it (mostly, anyway) a la Jenna Marbles’ drunk make-up tutorial, but nicer. Lisa also has an excellent How To Hide Your Hangover tutorial, which is pretty much an essential.

 

Finally, I forget where I read it, but in an interview with a French model (who’s name escapes me. I’m going to get better at this research stuff I promise) she said something along the lines of French women concentrate on making their hair naturally great, skin naturally great and a good fashion sense, so they can just get up and go and everything else falls into place. I liked this advice the most. That, and, if you messed up your eyeshadow, just add another layer and make it a smoky-eye. Smoky-eye solves everything.

Speak soon,

Laura x